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A Trip Down Memory Lanes

Saturday 8 February 2020 18:50

(…and other ramblings from a brain still foggy with flu.)

“Who is that apparently tiny, slim redhead in the picture?” I hear you ask, “It’s not…!”. Ah, read on Macduff…

Although I was, and am still, feeling completely Charlie Romeo, yesterday I decided I was going a bit stir crazy. The car desperately needed to have a run and the sun was shining, and so – probably unwisely – I took a little road trip.

My destination was Seawhite’s Factory Shop, in West Sussex. They’re known as “Seawhite of Brighton”, so I always thought they were in the depths of the city. However, I discovered a couple of weeks ago that in fact they’re on the edge of a tiny village, just an hour’s drive away from me; or so Google Maps told me.

(For those of you who don’t know, Seawhite make really good, affordable, sketchbooks. They sell directly to educational establishments and retail outlets, but their factory shop has loads of reduced stock, and even other art supplies like brushes and paints.)

By pure coincidence, the village where Seawhite are happens to be where some of my ancestors, on mum’s side, were from, and I did think of visiting the churchyard while I was there, but as Google’s estimate of the journey time was rather optimistic, it was not to be.

Anyway, I digress.

How does all this link up to the young ginger haired cyclist on the book cover – and yes, dear reader, ’tis me? Well, the route to Seawhite’s took me along roads and lanes that I haven’t travelled since my cycling days, almost forty years ago. Then they were all very familiar to me, although I confess it was largely the pubs that I recalled, but also the village names; even occasional ordinary landmarks, like gateways and old houses, brought back memories of Sunday rides with dear friends, many of whom are now sadly long gone (one of whom I married!).

On my way home, in another village, slowed to a crawl in a line of cars waiting by some roadworks, I glanced at the boarded up building beside me and was transported back to the day that photo was taken…

But I’m jumping ahead.

I knew that my drive to Seawhite’s would take me along familiar routes, but there were surprises too. One in particular was a now slightly run down roadside diner, that I suddenly recognised as having once been the Little Chef where – one summer’s afternoon – I met up with my mum and my aunt; me on my bike as always then. I remember we spent a lovely couple of hours there, sitting outside in the sunshine chatting, before mum and her sister went on to do some family history research… at the very village I was heading to yesterday.

It was a sweet memory, as were all of them, but as I remembered, I knew I was a very different ‘me’ back then – absolutely no self confidence for one thing, no idea of what lay ahead, full of doubts and fears that seem utterly absurd now. It felt like a lesson: that far more is possible than we sometimes believe, that fears pass, and we can achieve not just the seemingly unachievable, but also the unimaginable.

When I was driving through those lanes yesterday, I thought that I could teach that young, shy me a few things, show her how much her future held. Now I think it’s more likely that she reached back in time and has taught me.

At the time the handbook in the photo was being planned, I was working for what was then called the Cyclists’ Touring Club – now Cycling UK, and the cyclists’ version of the Automobile Association – as their Technical Officer and National Event Organiser, and unofficially, also the Archivist and Historian. Amongst other things I sat on the relevant British Standards Institute committees in London, and was consultant to the Consumer Association on cycling equipment for articles in their Which? magazine. I also tested all manner of equipment on behalf of the CTC (including whole bicycles), and wrote technical articles for the magazine that was available through major newsagents across the country. I organised the annual rally and exhibition based on the Knavesmire Racecourse in York, hosting equipment manufacturers such as Raleigh and other well known names in the cycling world. I was young, quiet, and shy, and lacking in self confidence – but I did all those things; and I forget…

If someone suggested I take on a role like that now I would feel utterly incapable and unqualified. But I’ve sat in a stuffy boardroom and won the arguments for the safety and practicalities of cycle equipment with a bunch of old men in suits who cared only for their profit margins. I’ve organised events attended by thousands. I’ve written articles that were published in a widely read magazine (and I suddenly recall I even illustrated at least one). I’ve even appeared on the cover of a little book sold – albeit briefly – in shops across the land!

Why on earth am I doubting what I can do next?

As I was passing that boarded up pub yesterday, and I remembered the day all those years ago, it made me smile and prompted me to dig out the little handbook in the picture above. On the day of the photo shoot, we – the very tall young man from The Ramblers’ Association and I – were treated to lunch in that pub, and I remembered with a smile that I had been disgruntled to realise that the very smart maroon shorts I’d been given to wear were too tight to allow me to eat! Ah, then as now I enjoyed my food, and to turn down a meal – a free meal at that – completely over rode any excitement I might otherwise have felt at being a ‘cover girl’…

Some things never change. I still have no more need for fame than fortune – comfy clothes and to be treated to a hearty meal now and then, and I’m happy (and to write and draw, and create more happy memories). That’ll do me.

(Oh I would like to get shot of this cold though!)

AaaaaaCHOO!

Tuesday 4 February 2020 21:25

Sorry no posts, but no progress at all for a few days.

Feeling quite poorly, and mostly in bed or wrapped in a blanket on the window seat.

I did hear back from the people with the perfect space for a creative space, and could have seen them tomorrow, but I don’t think I’ll be well enough and don’t want to pass this on. Next Wednesday then, hopefully.

Haven’t even managed to do a shaded or watercoloured version of Saturday’s drawing, although I have made one copy using my light pad.

Rest is important, I know, but I don’t like this ‘zonked out’ feeling one bit.

Opening Doors

Friday 31 January 2020 22:50

After playing with the anamorphic drawing yesterday I wanted to fit in just one quick drawing this morning. This little open door leading to a stairway was inspired by a clever folded paper visual trick on a YouTube video, but I adapted it to be a small sketch in the corner of a page in my sketchbook.

When I’d done it, I realised looking at it that I could ‘see’ other furniture in the room, and that there was a story waiting to be told about the room at the top of the stairs…

It was Catch Up Friday, so I had other things planned for the whole day, but I will return to this, hopefully tomorrow, and see if I can fill in the missing story.

I’d intended to do a roundup of the first three weeks, but I’ll keep that for tomorrow too. It’s been a busy day. Night night! 😴

You Can’t Find A Solution Until You Know What The Problem Is

Thursday 30 January 2020 21:35

I woke this morning with a light bulb moment of understanding of last night’s gloom (sorry about that folks). I’d been beating myself up for spending time on something that wasn’t concerned with making some income (looking for a space locally for a creative group) and I was forgetting that this ‘journey’ isn’t just about money, it’s also about creating a life that sustains me in all ways, not just financially.

I wasn’t feeling hopeless, I was berating myself for feeling hopeful about what I thought was the wrong thing.

Having cleared that up I went back to sleep, but just before I did, I decided on a name and a more precise aim of what I want to do; thus Drawing 4 Health was born. I even have a logo in mind.

The whole thinking behind “Drawing 4 Health” is encouraging people to discover the benefits to their mental wellbeing, of just picking up a pen or pencil and having a go. When I got up this morning I decided I really should take my own advice…

Hey, it works!

I stuck a virtual pin in a list of possible things to draw and came up with a video titled “Very Easy! [that caught my eye immediately – I felt today was the day for Very Easy] How To Draw a 3D Hole”. Not something I’d ever have thought of searching for, but oddly perfect. (Which my first attempts weren’t, but that was fine.)

It’s called “anamorphic drawing” I discovered, and I soon realised this is the stuff that those amazingly talented pavement artists do, where you see apparently vast gaping holes, and stranded people perched on the top of pillars of rock that descend into the underworld. I’ve always wondered how they do it! Wow.

Oh boy and it’s fun. As I was filling in the black bands on the first hole I could literally feel the stress and the gloom melting away. It did dawn on me, after I’d added the footprints and the prone body deep in the hole, that it could be misconstrued as being linked to last night’s mood, but it really was just coincidence.

The illusion of depth is all to do with the angles and the shading, and in these very first two attempts I haven’t quite got either of them right, but it’s fascinating, and even already, as you swivel the paper round or change the angle, the holes change. Double wow. I’m hooked.

Picking up my sketchbook today and just playing, made the biggest difference to my mood. I didn’t need to draw proper pictures, or get everything “right”, I just needed to play; and the magic happened.

That, is what it’s all about.

Wading Through Treacle With Concrete Wellies On

Wednesday 29 January 2020 21:40

The pressure I’ve put on myself this month is beginning to get to me. I’m researching, and brainstorming, and writing, from before dawn until late at night; and getting nowhere.

I’m writing it’s true, but I’ve no energy or concentration left to do any drawing, and that’s beginning to feel counterproductive.

The novel that for a few years has been whispering in my ear to be written, seems to have got hold of a megaphone now; but it’s a story that I’m reluctant to write. Where it’s leading is fascinating, but it’s a story that’s based in the future, and I can’t see a way to avoid it being all darkness.

Bizarrely, so much of the research I’m doing with regard to generating income online keeps pointing me into the frightening future we’re hurtling towards, and I’m in need of some sunshine right now.

The isolation is getting to me too, though I know it’s the only way I can do this; but it’s increasingly lonely. The solution is far from simple (although a lottery win might go some way towards it 😀 ). What I need is people who are in the same boat, to pool ideas and resources. No-one can understand how frightening this is…

I type that, and tears well up. Bad day.

One positive thing I did, today, was write to the people with the beautiful space nearby that would be perfect for a ‘real life’ creative circle. It’s a long shot that they’ll be interested, but it would give me a huge lift if that dream could be made a reality. It’s not an income generator so doesn’t count as progress in that sense, but it would be nice to feel I’d got something positive happening creatively.

On Friday evening I’ll do a round up of how the first three weeks have gone – what I’ve really achieved, if anything. Then Saturday starts a fresh week and Month 2. I need it to bring some fresh energy with it, and I need to set some proper goals.

Now it’s only 9.30pm, but I’m pooped. There’s a hot water bottle warming the bed, and Jessie’s curled up on the pillow, so I think I’ll call it quits for today and hope to be greeted by some inspiration and a lighter spirit in the morning.

Sorry. I did promise to be honest and report on the bad days. I’m still hoping they’ll be few.

Results and Musings

Tuesday 28 January 2020 21:30

When I got back from doing my weekly food shop this afternoon, I found three envelopes waiting on the mat for me. The one I opened straight away was a beautiful card from a friend, with some good advice inside and a delightful stamp on the front. The other two I was a little hesitant about.

I suspect most people are a little wary of an envelope with Her Majesty’s very own Revenues and Customs on the front. My first thought was, “I shouldn’t have complained about the system! They’re going to pay me back by investigating every nook and cranny of my non-existent financial affairs for the last decade! Or (more likely) – they simply don’t believe me, and they’re going to investigate every nook and cranny of my non-existent financial affairs for the last decade!” I put the envelope aside unopened.

The third envelope, I could see, was from the energy supplier I’d had the run-in with on the phone last week, after they’d scared me witless with utterly unwarranted threats of court action, bailiffs, and cutting off of my electricity. As I’d already had a written response from them, which was both not the apology I’d requested, and which did nothing to make me think more fondly of them, I was puzzled. Had they unearthed another fictitious energy bill that I hadn’t paid?? Were they looking for a re-match? Had they wiped out all memory of our phone conversation, and were now coming in with the news that there was a cell being readied for me even as I read. I put that one aside too.

It’s funny how two ordinary paper envelopes, unopened, can shout so loudly, and tug at ones sleeve so persistently.

After writing a thank you email to the kind friend for the card and the advice, and having made myself a cuppa, I decided that like the proverbial plaster, it was better to just rip open the envelopes and face the contents.

Well! Waddya know…!

Thinking it was probably going to be the worst of the two, I tackled Her Majesty’s Tax Inspector first, and was so taken aback I had to reread it. No, I didn’t imagine it, it really did say that the 2019 Tax Return will be the last one I’ll ever have to complete. Ever. For the rest of my born days. No more Tax Returns after April! Did they read my blog?! Did I add it to the “Poor Me” category by mistake?! Awww. Thanks Lizzie.

Somehow fortified, I felt quite carefree as I opened the energy supplier’s envelope, and blow me down, that was good news too! Why they’d sent the previous letter a few days ago heaven only knows, but this was, indeed, a positively grovelling apology and – AND – not a M&S voucher, but at least a £20 credit as small recompense for what they put me through (and a promise that my suggestions – they were polite ones and sincere – would be passed on and given serious consideration).

Well. There you go. Sometimes you fear the worst and get all worried, and everything turns out the way it should.

What it does prove though, and in itself this makes me a little cross, or certainly a little sad that it should be so, and that is that you do need to complain when things aren’t “done right”. It makes me cross and sad because not everybody can complain, let alone will, and so it’s assumed that getting it wrong is ok, and so it continues. I surprised myself that I stayed utterly calm and polite throughout the hour long phone call with the energy provider (and indeed in my typed messages to the tax office when the online return system didn’t work), but I was firm, and I was absolutely not going to let them get away with it. For all sorts of reasons, not everybody is confident enough or has the experience to do that. Indeed there have been many times in my life when I haven’t felt able to. I seriously do believe that had someone with a heart condition received the original threatening letter from the energy bods – and god forbid that anyone did – it could have had dire consequences.

So I feel I’ve had a couple of ‘results’ today. And I feel more inclined to believe that maybe, just maybe, in the case of the energy supplier, I’ve saved anyone else from a shock (no pun intended!), or worse.

As an afterthought – I did at first have a different reaction to the Revenues and Customs letting me off ever having to fill out another tax return. They don’t have much faith in me turning things around and making a good living next year do they?

Huh!. I’ll show ’em…

For The Tea Drinker With No Sense of Time

Monday 27 January 2020 17:00

Yet another wiring thing for those with ADHD, is a complete inability to judge the passing of time.

This can result in all sorts of problems, but one which is rarely mentioned is a great many cold cups of tea.

This little silicone lid is capable of keeping the mug of tea that was left to brew “for a minute or two” three quarters of an hour ago, hot.

It is quite possibly my best purchase ever.

To SEO or Not To SEO?

Monday 27 January 2020 15:50

A friend asked me yesterday if I could help her with optimising her own blog for better visibility in Google, with a view to her finding ways of making money from it in due course. As a prelude I pointed her towards some sound and very up-to-date advice from someone whose business it is to advise on this very thing, but it set me thinking about how things used to be, and indeed just what my own aims are for this blog.

WARNING: I’m brain dumping here, my friends. If you have no interest in Search Engine Optimisation, or in a broad history of it and my personal encounters with same, or why it’s giving me so much cause for thought today, then feel free to skip this post. It’s long; very long...

Many many years ago, when this internet thing was quite new, I started building my own websites. My business was “Applications Training” – ie training users of computer applications such as Microsoft Office. Windows 95 had just arrived, and companies of all sizes were buying their office staff computers and software that was intended to revolutionise working practices. Email was in its infancy. Connecting to the internet involved “dialling up” – a very noisey and indeed costly process – and “always on” connections were still rare. Home computers were almost unheard of, so employees needed training in-house, and companies were prepared to pay whatever it took to give their staff the skills required.

My first job, after qualifying as a teacher of adults specialising in computer skills, was for a very large international hotel chain. It was fun, involved a lot of travelling, carting around eight laptops and a printer to hotels around the UK, where I got to stay for free and deliver training to staff over the course of several days. After a few months the intermediate company who I was directly employed by went under (in a big way and involving some shady dealings by the owners). I found myself losing out financially for work I’d completed but not yet been paid for. Suddenly the “risk” of starting up on my own seemed less scary.

I’d tried taking the “safe” route of being an employee and look where that had got me; at least working for myself I would be in control and have a chance of rectifying things if they started to go wrong. Working for myself though, meant I was also responsible for marketing (and sales, and accounts, and creating teaching materials, and buying and maintaining equipment…), which meant, among other things, learning how to build a website.

Building a website in those early days involved either learning to code in html, or the use of a Microsoft program called FrontPage, which claimed to do the coding for you. I took the apparently easy route… and soon regretted it. FrontPage was awful! Yes it turned ordinary text formatting and positioning into html without the author needing to know anything about it, but when I did begin to learn a little bit about it I soon realised the code it threw out was a mess! Coupled with that, web browsers weren’t standardised and were also rapidly changing as new versions came and then were quickly superseded themselves. FrontPage would render a website readable by the current version of Microsoft’s own web browser, but try to open the site in another browser, or an older version, and the mess became very apparent, with text positioning and sizes gone haywire. It was time to find out more of what was really needed, and do it myself.

As well as learning how to build a website properly by writing the code myself, it was soon clear to me that I needed to ensure it was found. Search engines at that time were also in their infancy, but were already popular as a way to find help – for example to search for a “plumber” in “Birmingham” (although early on searching for information about a topic could bring less reliable results). The complex algorithms employed by Google nowadays were for the future – as indeed was Google’s dominance, it was one of several players, and by no means the biggest at that time. Keywords were the thing, and links. Put simply, link to and from as many other sites as possible, and make sure your site incorporated the sort of words and phrases that people might search for if they were looking for what you were selling. Oh and you could cheat a little.

If you were offering a service and were based in Hampshire, but wanted to ensure your site was up near the top of the results, even if someone searched for the same service but in another county, you simply put every single county in the country into what became, for those who didn’t understand, a rather puzzling footer. It was frowned upon but it worked, for a while, although it was so obviously wrong that the search engines eventually got wise and started to punish sites doing it by listing them lower, if at all.

Again, early on, alternatives to search engines by way of “online directories” were springing up like daffodil’s in March, and getting yourself a free listing in them was a huge help as it gave your site credibility (rightly or wrongly); it also meant you got listed twice (or more): once as your site, and again as your entry in their site. A vital and time consuming part of SEO was to fill in the forms on as many as you could find, to submit your own site’s details. Many of them, because they would be touting for ad upgrades at a cost, would actually find your site themselves and add you, which was even better. The more links to your site the better, and offering “reciprocal links” – you link to mine I’ll link to yours – to all and sundry helped too.

So search engines from the start broadly ranked using the principal of matching “keywords” entered into “meta data” – data that the search engine robots scan but that isn’t visible to the site visitor – the site’s meta data title and description, and actual words and phrases included in the content itself; coupled with counting the number of links to and from it that were assumed to indicate popularity. Things haven’t changed completely – the above still holds good – but the number of websites out there has of course gone through the roof, and people’s searching has become more targeted, and Google’s results more personalised.

Nowadays if you’ve always previously chosen to view results from one particular town when searching for plumbers and builders in a certain county, Google will very likely stop showing you results from other towns, even nearby ones that might be suitable. This is the power of Google to steer you where it thinks you want to go; even if you don’t. It may be an inevitable consequence of just too many potential results, but even so, Google is doing what Google does best, manipulating its users, and as a site owner you haven’t got a hope in hell of fighting that.

So as a site owner, how do you at least try to be found? Now, as then, one thing to bear in mind is how important is it to be found anyway? Early on it was fairly simple to get a website advertising the services of, for example, a plumber, covering a specific area and offering specific services, to the top few results; especially if there weren’t many plumbers in that particular area, or offering those particular services. A site offering services with no specific location would need to be more targeted with the services or unique selling points it offered, but nevertheless, with still not that many companies having their own websites, competition wasn’t that fierce. Nowadays it’s a whole different story. Do you need to bother?

First and foremost, if you want someone to find your site you need to be very, very clear what it is you’re offering, who it is you want to find it, and why. (In fact first and foremost you need to decide whether you’re even bothered about showing up in search results at all. If you are publicising your site in other ways to the specific people you want to view it, then your jobs done. No need for SEO; you can even block Google completely, as I’ve done thus far with this blog.) If you do want your site found over and above the audience you’ve already informed, then you need to ask yourself some questions. What are you offering? Are you selling or just informing? About products? Services? Are you wanting people to join your organisation? Are you wanting to inform people? For free? Of a certain age? Gender? Political persuasion? Do you want site visitors from all over the world? Or is what you’re offering only relevant to people local to you? Are you hoping to steer them somewhere else? Somewhere online? Or a real world place? And so on.

Once you’ve answered all these questions and more, you need to work out what words or phrases people are using to find what they’re searching for. I always used to tackle this along the lines of, “If I was looking for me, what would I type in to the search engine?”. Try it (and take a look at the results that Google comes up with while you’re there – those are your competitors in the game of SEO). One thing you will see nowadays is a section telling you other searches that people use that are connected; look and learn.

Now what all this is leading to is the final step, if you like, in good SEO, and that tends to be referred to as “Giving people what they want.”. If you are keen to get as many people viewing your site as possible – for now let’s say for whatever reason – then you have to dish up content that is currently popular and being searched for. With lots of links, in and out. And short sentences. And pictures.

And therein lies the rub. You may sell particularly specialised widgets for thingumybobs that haven’t been manufactured since the fifties. When one of the only forty remaining owners in the world is looking for a replacement widget, be sure that – unless you’ve effectively hidden the purpose of your website behind lots of popular current and entirely irrelevant gobbledygook – when they search for a supplier they will find you; and if you’re charging a small fortune for each widget, you will have the result you need. By this I mean, if what you’re offering is only very rarely going to be searched for, then all the keywords and appropriate content in the world isn’t going to get people hammering on the door of your site daily wanting to buy what you’re selling.

You may sell the best beefburgers in town, but if the entire population is vegetarian, then you’re going to have a lot of quiet days.

Which brings me back to my friend and her wish to find out about SEO in order to get more people to her blog with a view to monetising it.

Her question made me think about my own purpose in writing this blog and whether I have any wish to ultimately try to make money from it. My immediate reaction was an emphatic “No”, certainly not if that means turning it into something that “gives people what they want”. But then again…

I think the whole point of this blog is in part simply to tell my story (hopefully on the whole more entertainingly than in this particular post!), to record the ups and downs of the journey towards finding a new means of making a living at an age when I feel I should more suitably be retiring. Without a doubt too, it’s also to seek encouragement and support along the way when it all gets too much. Then again, I want people to want to read it, and I would like to think that some of the time it will include information, inspiration and encouragement that’s helpful to others too…

It’s just that phrase “give people what they want”, that doesn’t sit right. It’s the Great Hack again isn’t it? It’s “telling them what they want to hear”, in order to make money…

Or is it?

All I do know is, I’ve just spent an hour writing a post that I’m starting off with a warning to people not to read because it’s so long. Hah! How’s that for “how not to SEO”. (Hmm and yet the only positive that the SEO checker has to offer is that it’s over 2,000 words..!)

I think I’ll delay making any decisions for now, and just keep writing.

The Dilemma, and Value, of Distraction

Sunday 26 January 2020 14:30

Yesterday was a classic day of wall-to-wall distractions that were out of my control. I got nothing done. 

Further along my little cul-de-sac someone was moving out. They had a small self-drive hired van and a couple of cars so made lots of trips to and fro, and whenever they were loading up, one of the vehicles had its doors open and its music system on LOUDEST. Despite my house being 150-200m away, with (double-glazed) windows and door firmly closed, the incessant BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! literally made my head ache, and made it impossible to think.

Even more continuously distracting though, was a neighbour opposite building a rather bizarrely designed fence around the front of his house.

I should explain, my daytime workspace at the moment, for several reasons including comfort and light, is a window-seat built into the lounge bay window, which in the winter, looks directly out onto the road. I’ve tried to create as much of a screen outside as possible with planting, but without shutting the light out completely, and especially while many of the plants are in their naked winter state, what’s going on outside is ever present. Usually this isn’t much – it is a fairly quiet road, and many houses open directly onto the pavement, so aside from comings and goings, there is little activity thankfully. Unfortunately on days like yesterday when there is, the distractibility of my ADHD brain goes into overdrive.

I tried to work, I really did, but between the incessant BOOM! BOOM! BOOM! from the house movers car radio, and the pneumatic drill of the fence builder, even without looking up to see the developing bizarreness of the structure that was going up, I was doomed.

Memories of schooldays, when I would be, seemingly pointedly and without caring, “gazing out of the window”, and the ensuing trouble it got me into.

Being aware of everything – and I mean EVERYTHING – that is going on around you, is far from the only symptom of ADHD, and it’s not even the worst, but it is incredibly inconvenient and can be exhausting. It does, however, have a purpose that, were we living many hundreds of years ago when humans were simply hunter-gatherers and other living creatures were either food or foe, would have been considered extremely desirable. Imagine how valuable it was to be able to pick up the sound of an approaching predator despite being deep in conversation about what colour to paint the cave. How vital to note a flash of movement of danger to your right even while aiming your sling at that evening’s supper to your left (thus ensuring that you don’t become supper for someone else)!

At school, I may have been distracted by the construction outside of a new bike shed when I should have been paying attention to why x=y, but no-one ever thought to ask what I HAD learned (I bet I could have given a very detailed description of how a bike shed is constructed for example), only punishing me for what I hadn’t.

Those of us with ADHD may be out of sync with the society we find ourselves in now, but we did very much have our place in times gone by. I can’t help feeling that society needs to be kinder and more flexible towards us now.

After all, the time for the special qualities of ADHD brains might yet return…